Scorned Acorns found out how it really happened.

The Bible According to Rich (World vs Richard)

 Genesis 1:1

And God, feeling a little clumsy, doth tripped upon his own feet, and as he fell, he felt the creation of the big bang. His leg, now broken, he decided it was time to put the team on his back, doe, and 12 billion years later, the earth was created. God created all the animals, but was annoyed with the apes, who spent much of their time throwing doth feces at each other, and the entirety of Eden.  Fed up, God struck down an especially unruly pair of apes, and with this strike, evolution was born. Or so he thought. Rather, evolution was realized. He strolled through the garden, thinking to himself, Hell, this is a pretty neat place. AND HELL WAS CREATED. God spent the remainder of his time upon the earth telling everyone he met that he was He. Creator, realizer, and most importantly, High on methamphetamines.   

The Bible According to Pat (Skullduggery):

Genesis 1.1

And God, looking down upon a vast empty space containing little more than a hard, dense lump of absolutely everything, said, "Let there be lots of stuff." And so came the Big Bang. God looked upon his creation and said, "Holy shit, thats a lot of stuff. A finite distance containing infinite possibility!" And ten billion years later the earth was created, mostly by accident.

Unbeknownst to God, Earth slowly blossomed and life flourished. Sophisticated beasts strolled its many fecund forests and sweeping vistas.

God, still treading his ever immense range in awe at its diversity and potential, stumbled upon Earth. Literally. The violent impact of Gods broad boot lifted high the waves of the oceans, wetting even the tip of the highest peak, and drowning all caught exposed upon dry land. Yet, a few drenched lifeforms did remain; most lucky enough to have struck out on various floating vessels for varying reasons (also, fish remained generally intact). It was from these piddling, waterlogged few (and only after many years of genetic trial and error) that came a thickly wooled man named Adam and a rather incipient woman named Eve and pretty well everyone else.

Scorned Acorns thinks it's Mr Potato Head FTW

You know what is really overrated?
Having two legs.

If I had it my way, I'd wake up as Mr. Potato Head.

Look at this bad-ass mother fucker. How could you not want to to wake up in his fancy blue suede(ish) shoes.

Think about it, i would love to take one of my legs off and switch it with my arm and go cartwheeling around town for a day, making damn sure everyone around me knew that i was having a better time getting from point A to point B than they are. 

And if I was getting annoyed with the way someone was flapping their mouths open and closed without rest i could simply pop my ears out. If they didn't get the point it wouldn't matter because I would no longer be even capable of hearing them. Not to mention it would be a hell of a lot more fun to try and hold my balance standing up without any ears in than listening to some fathead talk about shit such as the weather or whether or not they were going to break up with their boyfriend.



Why do all people look the same? its fucking boring. im sick of it. We need some crazy human centipedes walking around downtown stat. At least it would be something more interesting to talk about than the weather.

Not to mention the 'got your nose' joke would be a whole lot better.

Boring anatomy
-Acorned.