Scorned Acorns on Teddy Bears

They are cute,
They are cuddly,
And some may say they have no place on a site such as this.
But here they are by popular demand:

Teddy Bears.

Now personally I have nothing against Teddy Bears as a whole, in fact i still have mine lying on the couch in my room. What i do have beef with is people who seem to not fully understand what a 'teddy bear' is. I am here to set things straight once and for all. 

You'll all thank me when your kid goes over to their friend's house and their friend shows them their favorite 'teddy bear' and your kid doesn't roll their eyes in disgust of the mistreatment of the world and grow up to be some kind of loner blogger type of asshole.

People of the world:

THIS IS NOT A TEDDY BEAR

All my life I've been plagued by people besmirching the beautiful art of the teddy bear. Be it a six year old cousin or a twenty four year old love interest its always the same. 

"Can i show you my favorite teddy bear?"

 "Yeah sure, whatever."

"Well, where is it?"

"This is it."

*facepalm*

This shit is a STUFFED ANIMAL. My Winnie the pooh bear takes a hit of shame every time some worthless piece of plush is brandished with the title he shares with many other memorable characters such as the marmalade guzzling paddington bear:

fuck that is one bad-ass bear.

Now i know both apes and walruses are in fact part of the animal kingdom we all refer to as "the shit", the reason i used them as examples were the fact that i couldn't stand looking at any of the other pictures of 'teddy bears' i could find out there in the beautiful world of google's search engine.

So basically, teach your kids to know it. They have a stuffed animal. Not. A teddy fucking bear. They are below the bear on the sewing food chain.

Its on plushies.
Its on.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns and some random, unnecessary list of bottled water

First, let me pose a question:

Does water have a distinct flavour?

If you answered no, fuck you.
Clearly, although subtle, there is some essence registering on my taste buds. Hell, I will even go so far as to say I don't enjoy some water (but for the most part water is water):

Dasani, you can fuck right off.
Aquafina, I can go without you, but your shit ain't half bad.
Pure Life, I will drink you and enjoy you always.
Fiji, why you so 'spensive?
Evian, we seem to rarely cross paths, and I have no valid reason as to why.
Culligan, there is so much of you and it is so damn good.
Dannon, stick to yogurt. Actually forget your yogurt too.
Costco, 24 for the price of 12 Dasani. Fuck you Dasani

Ever notice how those same people are (probably) the first to jump after a bite of watermelon or bean sprout and say "meh, this isn't that good, its too watery" ...or some bullshit like that

I didn't know who Paddington Bear is until just now, but I bet he falls into this category. I take that back, he seems cool.
-acorned