Scorned Acorns wonders what to watch

So there came a point in my life (sometime between realizing boobs and understanding South Park) where I grew weary of the Big Brother's and CSI Miami's steady prime time takeover, and quickly found comfort in the wholesome humour of Family Channel. With reruns of shows like Radio Free Roscoe, A.L.F., Kim Possible, PB&J Otter and Boy Meets World in full swing, I had discovered my fallback channel. Things only went downhill from then. Slowly at first, with a new round of shows marking the era of Life With Derek (no Boy Meets World, but watchable), Phil of the Future (Quirky, marred only by the fat, loud-mouthed kid sister of the title role) and 8 Simple Rules (a show that went entirely downhill itself after the passing of John Ritter). Still, I watched, and I enjoyed. Late night broadcasting at its finest.

It was hardly to last. Ever so suddenly these shows drowned in the wake of a seemingly abrupt program shift:

-Cory in the House? A show about Raven's (That's So Raven, Cheetah Girl etc.) fat, scheming younger brother masquerading as a drummer, alongside a slapdash cast consisting of Meena (a culturally confused, emotionally oblivious "Bahavian" immigrant), Sophie (otherwise known as "America's Angel"; an unbearable shriek of a preteen clearly written to piss me off), 'Stickler' (a gadget-wielding, pomaded, soon-to-be tweaker son of 'agent 001'), Ms. Samuels (an undersexed, middle-aged, bird-calling secretary I cannot for the life of me decide is sexy or not), Candy Smiles (enough said), redeemed only by Newt (the reincarnation of Jeff Spicoli from Fast Times at Ridgemont High), Chef Victor (a character written in entirety around two catchphrases), President Martinez (one of the premier characters of our age) and Becky (the assistant manager at 'Cheese In A Cup', who looks shockingly similar to Kate Miccuci of the musical duo Garfunkel and Oates).

-Suite Life on Deck? Did Suite Life of Zack and Cody really need a spin-off? All I can really say is thank fuck for Mr. Moseby and Arwin Q. Hawkhauser.

-Jonas? ...couldn't have expected much anyway. Although I do have to say, 'Lovebug', is a catchy fuckin' song.

-Hannah Montana? Didn't really have a choice but to mention it I suppose. It could be worse. Although that Mitchell Musso kids face really freaks me out. Honestly it might just be the haircut, but if he ever decides to come around my place, he runs the risk of my reflexively kidney shotting him for fear Nur-Ab-Sal has sent a lifeless demon minion to consume my flesh.

Photo courtesy of http://www.uglymales.com/wc/

-Imagination Movers! Okay, this show is fucking great. I have spent six frantic months trying to find it, solely to be reunited with the friendliest looking man I could ever imagine seeing:



-Sonny With a Chance? I really wanted to crack the wit here with my own unfortunate Sonny pun. However, I can't seem to get myself beyond 'Sonny Side Up'. Not doing it for me either. This show sucks.

-Zoey 101? Insert baby joke. Insert social commentary on the pressures of being a child star. Comments on anorexic roommate and question her necessity on the show. Cliché science geek, token black dude, oblivious principle... we have a show.

What the fuck happened? Horatio Caine, you have gained a viewer.



Ahh, feckless banter, how I have missed you so.

Sidenote: Kate Micucci actually plays the Cheese In A Cup girl. Fuck. Yes. Google - 1, Family Channel - 0. You would think Garfunkel and Oates to be a bit vulgar for family channel. Kind of like Bob Saget on Full House.



-acorned

Scorned Acorns on pause buttons

I would just like to take this time to thank you for taking center stage.



You can just see it written all over his face:
"This is my moment, my moment"


-acorned

Scorned Acorns: Pu pid. les ar zz e Stu

Interesting guy #1 - Hey man, what are you up to?

Interesting guy #2 - Meh, just working on this puzzle, wanna help?

Interesting guy #1 - Uhh... Yeah bro! lets do it up.

Interesting guy #2 - Dude.. what are you doing, find the corners and then do the sides first.

Interesting guy #1 - Oh okay yea for sure.

Interesting guy #2 - Okay why would that piece go there? look at the box. put that one in this pile.

Interesting guy #1 - Oh, ha yea my bad man, my bad.

Interesting guy #2 - okay you can't just jam them in your going to ruin it.

Interesting guy #1 - sorry man, i thought it was gonna fit.

Interesting guy #2 - Okay fine man, but your busting up my puzzle so... come on.

Interesting guy #1 - Okay okay, didn't think it would be that big of deal sorry.

Interesting guy #2 - Yeah well, my mom got this for me alright?

Has this or anything like this ever happened to you?

Well if it has your not alone...

Im not here to bash on puzzles boards, I actually like puzzles, most of them anyways.

But isn't it odd how there seems to be this un written rule on how to actually go about completing them? And if you don't know these rules then you are officially a jack ass.

Did the first fucking puzzle ever made come with a damn instruction pamphlet in it? explaining how to do puzzles, because if so, i will gladly retract everything I'm about to say! Did I miss this class in my life course in Junior high? Or when I went to pre-school did my teacher peg me as a jack ass from day 1 and decide to not even bother?

"Oh there goes little chappell... oh.. oh aww, he just tripped on his shoelace. Well, ill just put this puzzle away... "

Fuck it...Im just going to start framing all my 4 x 4 kinder puzzles, and start hanging them on my wall.

Interesting guy #1 - Its a fucking kinder surprise..

BAMM!

-Acorned.