Scorned Acorns explores The Underground Shelter Network for Long-Term Survival of Future Catastrophes

2012.

Has a nice ring to it. Just bleeds futuristic doesn't it. Twenty twelve.

Well, four weeks have passed in the countdown to the apocalypse (and in turn our impending demise), but honestly, not much has happened. Bottled water is, as of yet, readily available, concrete and steel aren't in waning supply (as the more level-headed folk rush to erect themselves a lasting "apocalypse-proof" living quarters), and last I checked, Crappy Tire still has a range of generators in stock. Hell, canned goods are still bobbing in and out of sale at every local supermarket. I, personally, am saving up thirty-some thousand american dollars for a spot in one of those ostentatious Vivos doomsday bunkers. Asteroid and nuke proof! Amenities include: swanky lounges, a bakery, deluxe bedrooms, dental facilities, a medical center, pet-pampering services, a fully stocked wine cellar, a Cryovault containing the reproductive cells and DNA of humans and animals for Earths re-population, and even a prison should evacuees become unruly! Couldn't imagine a better way to spend five figures.

Wait, what? They are building it in Nebraska? Fuck that I'd rather spend my post-apocalypse days haunting survivors than drinking champagne and eating fresh baked (corn) bread beneath fucking Nebraska.

I must say, Vivos really does have a compelling site. Offering protection from (but not limited to):

- Nuclear War
- Bio War
- Terrorism (Although the video left it out, the website features a nice Clipart airplane as its avatar for terrorism. Is that really the accepted representation of terrorism? Is that truly what people imagine when they see an airplane overhead? Remember the days when an airplane represented all the dreams and aspirations of youth? Eyes wide in awe as it soared above, seeming to defy all reason before disappearing behind the clouds. Wonder if kids are aspiring to be Vivos employees nowadays)
- Anarchy (Thought this said Antichrist. Was a little thrown by the anarcho-punk encircled A)
- Electromagnetic Pulse
- Solar Flares
- Pole Shift
- "Killer Comet"
- Global Tsunami
- Planet X
- Super Volcano (Volumes I through III)


I can't help but feel the last few were plucked from a long lost Harry Turtledove manuscript. And Killer Comet? Seriously? 

All things considered, I think the Hopi and Mayans were just pulling our once-oppressive legs.

-scorned

p.s. http://www.terravivos.com/

Scorned Acorns tells it how it is.

"Why do they have to change the layout? i like the old *http://anysite.com* better. Why are they doing this to me this is so fucking stupid?"

I am so sick of this line. You don't own social networking sites, blogging utilities, or forums. Just fucking deal with the change. It's for the better. The OWNERS would not change the layout of your favourite site because they want to screw with their fanbase. Get over yourself. 

You figured it out when you bought your fucking macbook didnt you?

figure this shit out.

Go ahead. Take two minutes to get used to it.

That or unplug your internet connection, because i got news. That shit isn't going to stay the same for more than 3 months.

Scorned Acorns needs replacement balls ASAP

Me: "Sweet! Whats that? Weapons and Warriors? Fuck yeah that looks cool!"
The Internet: "Yeah! Its a simple action board game where you lay siege to a castle!"
Me: "You do what!? That sounds bad-fucking-ass. How do you play?"
The Internet: "Well, first off you pick between manning the attackers (who are stationed opposite the castle and are shitty so don't pick them) and the castle defenders."
Me: "Excellent! Where to from there!?"
The Internet: "You simulate a castle siege by flinging small orange balls around the room out of cannons and trebuchets and giant ground crossbows!"
Me: "...so it's the game Siege?"
The Internet: "Siege? I have hardly a picture to prove it exists!"
Me: "Fuck you I found one."




And look, the fucking box is almost identical. My only question here is why? Why did they have to go and name the game twice? What fucking purpose could that possibly have served? My best guess in the manner is that Siege is the Canadian version. I come to this conclusion for two reasons. One, I live in Canada and I am looking at my fucking Siege box right now (anyone have balls I can borrow? Lost all mine sometime over the years and now this fucking thing is useless and upsetting). Two, 'LE JEU DE BATAILLE À SON PLEIN!'. Thank you Canadian Consumer Packaging and Labelling Regulations (C.R.C., c. 417). Doesn't SIEGE sound way fucking cooler than shitty Weapons and Warriors anyway? Weapons and Warriors could be any shitty game. But SIEGE! You know when your fucking nine and one of the neighbour kids comes runnin' up and down the block gettin' everyone stoked to come to his fuckin' birthday and play some SIEGE that its gonna be bad-ass and your birthdays gonna pale in comparison. Its like the kid whose parents were top-fucking-notch (love you mom and dad) and got them one of these:



Yeah, a fucking Astrojump! Oh my me. How fun was a fucking Astrojump!? Chuck E Cheese, or an Astrojump? Astrojump is right. Not to knock Chuck E Cheese. That place was (and probably still is) fun as fuck. Off topic, but warranted. Back to SIEGE. I think we can all agree it is the better name, especially for this particular game. A game whose sole purpose is to give you the means to fling balls out of scaled down siege machines at little plastic men to make them flip through the air laughably, all the while slowly chipping away at giant stone fortifications. Who the fuck are the warriors anyway? The little plastic dudes scattered about the "board"? Yeah right, not on my watch they aren't. Were they just worried about stiff competition over the name Siege?:



That appears to be a board game involving rock, paper, scissors...
-acorned

Q: What is a word for another way of saying something?

"A:

thing, box, or any type of thing."

Fuck off with this answer. Why do I spend time perusing Answers.com for this shit. It just pisses me off every time. Granted my last pluck and paste onto SA from there (remember Roxy19may?) was perhaps a bit more post worthy, but I have been irked by this and I felt you needed to know that.

What the fuck kind of half-assed attempt at an answer is that anyway? They offered up three possibly synonyms, which seemed great, until I fucking read them¹. Lets take a quick look at them:

1) Thing. Seriously fuck that. Scoop up their question, drop half the word, and offer it back to them? Yeah, its a tough fucking word to attempt to relate to without having an idea of context, but fuck. You could have at least said 'object'. Or tried throwing up a link to someone else answering the question. You clearly weren't quite qualified.

2) Box. Box? Fucking box? Who the fuck are you to assume he was talking about a box anyway? Don't you think he would have just asked about a box? I imagine it wasn't some elaborate plot of the questioners to see who could figure out what specific object he was really talking about. The word box is not synonymous with the word something. There would be a lot more fucking boxes in the world.

3)Any type of thing. Were you suggesting any word ending in 'thing' could be viable? The only example of how you are an idiot that comes to mind right now is plaything. Or were you actually proposing this shitty phrase as an alternative to slip on into a sentence in place of 'something'? I would make a Beatles reference here alongside a statement like, "Imagine if The Beatles had named it 'Any Type of Thing' instead!", but I don't like the Beatles and I wouldn't give a shit.

Now that I have had a chance to work through the motions of getting myself all worked up about nothing, then venting in ramble, and finally cooling off a bit, I notice the wording of the question. It would seem they may actually be asking for a word meaning "another way of saying something". But, I doubt it. They are probably just another idiot who can't properly formulate a question.

"First answer by Amanpour. Last edit by Mbeaver478957832907482"

What? I just noticed this lingering at the bottom of the page. This has to be a sick joke, right? I have the same sinking feeling I had when I realized people actually listen to Insane Clown Posse.

You are telling me this was a collaborative answer? That this was honestly the collective work of two people? (Insert sentence underlining disappointment in, and fear for, society).

-acorned

1. Reminds me of the Mitch Hedberg bit about do not disturb signs:

"I got a 'do not disturb' sign on my hotel door. It says 'do not disturb.' Its time to go with 'don't disturb.' Its been 'do not disturb' for too long. We need to embrace the contraction. 'Don't disturb,' 'Do Not' psyches you out. "'Do,' alright I need to disturb this guy... 'Not,' SHIT! I need to read faster!""

Scorned Acorns on Being a Scorned Acorn

http://scornedacorns.blogspot.com/

Some blogs are far too highly overrated. This is an example of a blog written by three young men (aged 4- 22, based on my approximation) who all, without doubt, look exactly like Vince.

I will not buy Shamwow. I will not buy Scorned Acorns.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns believes the internet has lost it's pizazz.

Remember back when getting on the internet was a romantic process?
Ensure all necessary calls had been made.
Grab a cup of coffee and maybe a bagel for the moments after clicking the 'connect' button.
Listen to the harmonic ways of pc speaker connecting through your telephone wire.
Singing along.
Deciding very carefully what site you were going to visit today, allowing page to load.
Considering how much bagel you have left and whether or not it would last the 6mb (megabyte, for those of you who weren't around when that was a big deal) download time.

28.8k modem, i salute thee.

Fuck you high speed internet.
Stop making my life easy.
Procrastination, thy name is advancement.

Wat.?

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns: Is skype considered a tool?

Screw you Skype, Honestly! Yesterday I was put through one of the roughest hours of my life, and its all thanks to you and your stupid product and its incapability to interact with older people. I had to sit there in my bed yesterday, unable to move due to an injury, while my grandmother, and her two cousins talked over skype on MY laptop.

Now I don't know if you have ever watched three 80 year old women talk over skype, but its not pretty. FUCK YOU. Who knew women talking through a computer from two different cities 7289.10 kilometres away could be so painful.

Let me paint you a picture.

Grandma walks in my room and demands me to put on skype so she can talk to her cousins in peru. FINE, whatever, obviously I'm not doing anything. As i tell my grandmother "Okay i'm putting skype on." She immediately starts yelling at the screen. I was so startled I almost pooped my pants. But after I clinched and composed myself i found myself yelling back.

"why are you yelling!?"

-"im not yelling im talking"

" I haven't even called them yet!?"

-"well why not?"

"because you only asked me two seconds ago!"

so after we both settled down, I went on to call her cousins in Peru. As the call was going through, My grandmother, god bless her soul starts walking away. And Just as the call goes through and is picked up, I find myself alone in my room staring a two people who I don't even know and speak spanish.

"Grandma where are you going!?"

- "my room"

"but i"m calling, they're actually on right now come back."

So there she is standing there just staring at the screen. Two other old people staring back. Who are looking extremely annoying to me.

And what do I get.

NO FUCKING DIALOGUE.

They just stare, and just as i'm about to fucking ask why no one is speaking, my grandma asks me where they are... I clinch again.

"See those two old people staring back at you, the ones now repeating hello and by the looks of it are now poking their computer screen.. yea.. thats them" (this sentence may have been exaggerated a bit. but trust me, its how I felt.

So once both parties become aware of each others existence, old people dialogue procedures followed.

1. Hello's

2. How are you's

3. How is family

4. Friendly conversation*

*By friendly conversation I mean with that its actually with themselves and that it actually doesnt sound friendly at all because they are yelling.

There I am sitting down, unable to leave my bed due to a knee injury, with three old people having three different conversation at the same time which don't even have anything to do with each other's conversations. And what made it really fun was that they were all yelling. And In my grandmothers case, due to the fact that I was between her and the computer she was actually yelling in my ear. Two fucking thumbs up for that.

The one positive about all of this (believe me I would gladly trade in this positive for my hour back) was that the entire thing happened as I was trying to come up with something to scorn about. And as I was brooding there in misery and distraction, all I could think to myself was...

"I'm never going to come up with anything now..."

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns would like to introduce you to Roxy19may

"Q:
How much money does Miley have in total?

A:
like she has about 4,00324 she is my best friend that is why i know

First answer by Roxy19may. Last edit by Roxy19may."


I kid you fucking not. Can't make this shit up.
Answers.com will never cease to amaze me.
Lets break this down a bit here.
First off, I would like to point out the obvious, and say we are dealing with a question posed about Miley Cyrus' total career earnings. A legitimate question. I was actually randomly curious myself. Although a reasonable source seems to elude me (not that I have searched all too frantically), the dollabonez in her bank account are clearly staggering.
Anyways, onto more important things.
4,00324. Are you fucking serious. What the fuck is that. Its annoying to look at.
I assume this isn't meant to be a shave above 4 euros. I want to say (or again assume) it is meant to fall somewhere between $400 000 and $4 000 000 (both likely falling short of the mark by a hefty sum), but honestly, who the fuck knows.
As for the 'best friend' section, I need not speak of it further.
What really intrigues me are the words "last edit". I can only sit, distraught and perplexed and fascinated and perturbed and uncertain at what edit was made. Roxy19may, you have given my day meaning, however hollow and confusing.
-acorned