Scorned Acorns still doesn't own photoshop.

We made a drawing. Deal with it.

Catherine fisher I can only imagine that you put your heart into this book, if you were ever to find this post then feel free to email us your hatemail. It will be posted.

Scorned Acorns knows now that Calgary is not pedestrian friendly.

This. Is a sidewalk.
A cozy womb for the pedestrian to feel safe as they stroll about. Usually situated parallel to a roadway, be it major or not, the sidewalk is a common feature seen in most urban centers.
Most, but not all it would seem. I just spent an hour walking around Calgary without discovering a side walk. This is a bit of an overstatement. I saw sidewalks. In 8 meter stretches around bus stations.
I fail to understand how city planners can overlook such a simple accommodation.

Fuck not having sidewalks. People should riot.
All eight Calgarians who dont drive.

Q: What is a word for another way of saying something?

"A:

thing, box, or any type of thing."

Fuck off with this answer. Why do I spend time perusing Answers.com for this shit. It just pisses me off every time. Granted my last pluck and paste onto SA from there (remember Roxy19may?) was perhaps a bit more post worthy, but I have been irked by this and I felt you needed to know that.

What the fuck kind of half-assed attempt at an answer is that anyway? They offered up three possibly synonyms, which seemed great, until I fucking read them¹. Lets take a quick look at them:

1) Thing. Seriously fuck that. Scoop up their question, drop half the word, and offer it back to them? Yeah, its a tough fucking word to attempt to relate to without having an idea of context, but fuck. You could have at least said 'object'. Or tried throwing up a link to someone else answering the question. You clearly weren't quite qualified.

2) Box. Box? Fucking box? Who the fuck are you to assume he was talking about a box anyway? Don't you think he would have just asked about a box? I imagine it wasn't some elaborate plot of the questioners to see who could figure out what specific object he was really talking about. The word box is not synonymous with the word something. There would be a lot more fucking boxes in the world.

3)Any type of thing. Were you suggesting any word ending in 'thing' could be viable? The only example of how you are an idiot that comes to mind right now is plaything. Or were you actually proposing this shitty phrase as an alternative to slip on into a sentence in place of 'something'? I would make a Beatles reference here alongside a statement like, "Imagine if The Beatles had named it 'Any Type of Thing' instead!", but I don't like the Beatles and I wouldn't give a shit.

Now that I have had a chance to work through the motions of getting myself all worked up about nothing, then venting in ramble, and finally cooling off a bit, I notice the wording of the question. It would seem they may actually be asking for a word meaning "another way of saying something". But, I doubt it. They are probably just another idiot who can't properly formulate a question.

"First answer by Amanpour. Last edit by Mbeaver478957832907482"

What? I just noticed this lingering at the bottom of the page. This has to be a sick joke, right? I have the same sinking feeling I had when I realized people actually listen to Insane Clown Posse.

You are telling me this was a collaborative answer? That this was honestly the collective work of two people? (Insert sentence underlining disappointment in, and fear for, society).

-acorned

1. Reminds me of the Mitch Hedberg bit about do not disturb signs:

"I got a 'do not disturb' sign on my hotel door. It says 'do not disturb.' Its time to go with 'don't disturb.' Its been 'do not disturb' for too long. We need to embrace the contraction. 'Don't disturb,' 'Do Not' psyches you out. "'Do,' alright I need to disturb this guy... 'Not,' SHIT! I need to read faster!""

Scorned Acorns and people oblivious to the picture being taken

Fuck. Yes.

Scorned Acorns doesn't like Calgary's lack of good pan-asian cuisine.

Ok, so I can head down to Victoria (British Columbia, yeah, the scorns are canadian, what now?) and grab me some FUCKING DELICIOUS pan-asian cuisine for a reasonable price, along with a beer, and listen to cool drum and bass music that appears to put all the cooks in the zone and all the people (the place is always packed) eating in unison while bobbing to the beat and giving off this vibe of the perfect restaurant. Everyone in there is happy, and the food can get as spicy as all of the seven layers of hell combined. The place, by the way, is Noodle Box

Absolutely fantastic, I believe there's one in Vancouver as well.

ANYWAYS, before it seems like the acorns actually are going to be posting some kind of positive post, this has all been preamble for the horror that is Calgary's pan-fry peanut sauce restaurants.
Now, I imagine there must be some good ones out there, but they involve sit-down-ordering-menu-bullshit and the bill is going to come down to at least me breaking a twenty, not including a fucking tip.
Our version of this delicious restaurant is "Wok Box".

Now when this was announced to be opening on our beautiful 17th ave ( a dismal place filled with drunk frat boys which makes up our most 'happenin' street ) I was beyond excited to get this shit. I went in opening weekend, ordered what looked to be the closest thing to my favorite dish at Noodle Box, asked if I could receive it extra spicy, and got this in return, I am also going to have the same conversation with the noodle box cashier before:

Wok girl (16, ponytail, annoyed): Extra Spicy? (confused)
Noodle girl (22, tattoos, groovin on the music): You sure man, that shit can get pretty spicy...

Me: Yes

Wok girl (16, ponytail, turn to cook she clearly has never said more than 3 words to): can that be extra spicy?
Noodle girl (22, hot piercings, tapping her cook on the shoulder, telling a flirty joke and putting the chit up on the bill slide): what's your name? Acorn? ok i'll call you when its done, need a beer?

No need for anymore explanation.

We need this shit. I need this shit. My stomach runneth over with shitty oily peanut black bean dry chicken shit!

You have no idea how poorly i received this dish, i actually haven't been back to wok box since, and that was at least two years ago.

Fucking lordy, give me some NOOOOODS.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns is against humanity's obsession with Jars.

Something I just dont understand is why we all need so many fucking different kinds of jars filling the corners of desks around the world. Stop and think about it for a second, how many do you have? if it's more than zero than I can guarantee that you have too many.

It just doesn't make sense, NO ONE seems to have the heart to throw out (or recycle, scornedacorns fully supports a greener planet.) a fucking empty jar. What's the mindset?
Oh this looks like a mighty fine specimen of blown sand in the shape of a cylinder, who knows what i'll be able to use this for!
Yeah, put it right next to the other thirty thousand empty jars in your basement, on day you will definitely plant a fucking garden and begin your fucking super-secret pickle grow op.

What do people tend to hold inside of jars? the answer: Absolutely nothing of true value.

Example #1
The penny jar

Oh baby, you must have accumulated about three fifty in the past two years, but by god is it ever useful having one of these around right? Fuck. the amount of labour you put into either moving pennies from your pocket to the jar or even the labour of rolling this shit wouldn't even be worth the paper the rolls are made of, so in truth: you are ruining the environment.
People always try and support their insanities of the penny jar with claims such as: "I collect them!" or by slapping a label on it that says something to the point of: "Haiti relief fund". Oh baby, I bet they can't wait to receive a cup of rice from your donation, three years down the road. I understand that its a good purpose and whatnot, but this is CLEARLY not the way to do it, why don't you take ten percent of your next paycheck and throw it into the charity, i guarantee that it will be more than your lifetime savings in pennies.

Next up
That fucking jar of unusable pens.

Ok, so some of you may keep a drawer for this, but seriously, how does it seem like a great idea?
Hmm, this pen doesn't work, good thing i have a jar for things like this, maybe a year or two sitting vertical next to its kin will produce new ink!
Then someone who is in dire need of a pen walks up and grabs a handful and runs off to class or something to write the most important thing of their life and...NONE OF THE PENS WORK. Are garbages just scared of pens? is the dump allergic to ink? WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE ONE OF THESE IT MAKES NO SENSE. Save for, it seems, the fucking bank, where everyone is crowded around that damned small desk waiting for their turn with the SINGLE PEN. And another thing, in the event that a pencil is present in said jar, it always has broken lead, and no one without a 12 year-old kid has a fucking sharpener, hell I'm pretty sure the university library here in Calgary doesn't even have one.

How about pickle jars?

Fucking gross, why do people think this is a good idea?
Cucumbers = Delicious
Man, it seems my veggies go bad after a couple weeks in the fridge, why don't we just fucking shove them in a sealed container of vinegar for a few fucking months and then crush them up and eat them on hotdogs?

Wow, that sounds like the grossest idea for food i've ever heard.



The real problem with these jars people decide to keep is they are almost always sitting on the edge of countertops and desks, and on the account of their glasslike properties, they are quite ripe for the shattering upon the smallest of shoves.

Think about the kind of words we use that include this subject.
Ajar, aka semi-open, aka useful only for peeping toms and confusing ESL students
Jargon, aka useless conversation, I can only imagine that 'gon' will be hence forth synonymous with 'conversation' and 'jar' synonymous with 'useless'

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns disagrees wholeheartedly with Hailey

http://haileyiscool.blogspot.com/?expref=next-blog

Fuck you and your U2 reference

Scorned Acorns tossing and turning

Okay, so fuck small blankets. I don't understand the reason for having a blanket that doesn't fully envelop my entire body with fabric to spare. Blankets should never be the reason for nightlong struggles:

Hmm, damn. My feet are a bit chilly. They seem to be poking out from 'neath the blanket. Lets go ahead and scoop them up.

...a few minutes pass

Oh my, quite nipply. Lets get this blanket back up all nice and cozy under my chin where it should be.

...a few more uncomfortable minutes drag by

Fuck this.

Fuck your shitty small blanket.

Scorned Acorns and WitStream

WitStream.
Things to remember:
People aren't clever or funny.

This is the kind of thing that it 'features' as witty:
"Accidentally washed my hands with lotion instead of soap at da club!"

Daaa clubbbbbbb.

-Acorned

Scorned acorns: Electronic Banking and how we all suck.

One of the biggest regrets in my life (as far as a purchases that I've made goes) is probably Buying the Monopoly Electronic Banking Version.

Am I really that lazy?? Seriously, FUCK.

Is counting colourful and playful money really so much of a hassle!? I mean ... YOU'RE PLAYING MONOPOLY! You're going to be seated exactly where you are for at least 1-3 hours. The least you could do is count your own God damn money... But know lets just sit there and swipe a stupid card into this stupid machine and let it thrill us with its 6 second"extremely" realistic interpretation of what a card going through sounds like.

CHING CHING FRAP FRAP FRAP FRAP CHING CHING BEEP BOOP BEEP"

Okay okay... your right, throwing a dice and counting what they read is probably enough counting for one day.

But you do realize tt's only going to be a matter of time before they come out with some stupid button you press in the middle of the board and it will tell you how many spaces to move, or maybe even do it for you. That way you can just sit there and talk while monopoly play's with itself, You'll actually be able to leave the house, come back and brag to all your friends because you just kicked there ass at monopoly.

Next up, Scrabble:the illiterate version...

Do math! please!

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns and a little Update action.

Alright, there's been some changes round these parts. Deal with it. The sidebar holds the key. Notice the Cloud. Follow the twits. Et cetera.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns is telling you about their day.

My day is about as inspiring as a pre-used barber chair. Although there is potential someone (or something) of moderate importance has used it, chances are its just a soggy old foot of a chair. or a day. Use of metaphor incorrect. Fuck it. I need inspiration to continue but its highly unlikely to happen without the use of heavy narcotics and/or chainsmoking. Naturally, it's snowing outside. Today Scorned Acorns went live at the coffee shop, but no one showed up. Yeah we hate our fucking fans too, they are horseshit who wouldn't even appear. If you weren't aware of it, follow the tweets you little twit.

I don't think anything is more annoying than the sound of somebody's empty water bottle being squished up in the side pocket of their backpack. Actually wait it can be even worse, When they are sitting behind you (on the bus, or in class) and they are trying to get that last little drop out, and are unnecessarily squeezing the shit out of the thin plastic for five minutes. My guess is either they want other people to notice that A) they drink only the finest in triple distilled water, or B) they want YOU to know that they are better than you because they will surely re-use this bottle later, and you can only imagine that as the weeks go by it is only going to get more squishy and flimsy and noisy, and you almost want to drop the class because of this motherfucker. (for more information on distilled water, see acorn)

Chances are, this motherfucker will look like this:

and post-loud-squeeze he will speak out of turn about something vaguely familiar to the topic at hand, but won't phrase it in any sort of question, so nothing more can be said about his statement save: "Moving on".

Yo fuck these boys.
And fuck my day.
-Acorned

Scorned Acorns is working their way out of despondency with the assitance of an unlikely scaled friend. Lets read further...

It was a rather normal day at my place of employ. For entirely (almost) nonlegal reasons, let us name this place Shoebuckles' Frankfurt. I arrived well before any of my coworkers, as on this specific day there were none others scheduled, as well as my supervisors/managers. Being the model employee I am, I clocked in early and began to make a pot of coffee entirely for my use, the vast majority of this to be disposed of later since it is designed for 50-80 patrons. Once I had my fill of the delightful black nectar, I quested the workplace for something to do. The next several hours were spent in a mind numbing haze as repetitive labour was valiantly completed, as per the request of my boss, whom was brandishing a cat o nine tails.

It looks like this. Quite terrifying actually. Stings.

I endured, thinking only of the paycheck, the reward for this hard time. At some point in this day (10:15 am Standard Pacific Time)  I assisted an elderly lady, whom smelt heavily of patchouli, gather Seventy-two degree water. It took several minutes, aggravating minutes, in which I learnt much of her son and his habit of not calling her. I turned out to hold her in the highest regards, however, due exclusively to the fact she gifted me a fish.

Lets pause from narrative at this point and examine what happened. I went to work and was given a fish. Fucked up? Pretty much. Also, sweet.

This was no ordinary fish. This was the feared Betta Splendens. The fighting mongrel of the southern seas. The Tropical Terror. The Brightly Colored Brawler. The Gilled Gladiator. The Sea Scrapper. The Aquatic Antagonist. If you dont get the picture by now, there is no helping you. God have mercy on your soul.

The first responsibility of any new pet owner is to name the pet. Everyone knows this. I made no exceptions. I ran through all my options. Gorilla? Maybe, strong name, very cool. Dorothy? A smooth sounding female name of someone who takes no guff (It was not until later I had determined sex, which is actually still mostly a mystery but I decided he was male.) There were others, obviously unimportant as they failed to make themselves remembered. One, however, was the obvious choice.

(Ernst) Stavro Blofeld. The Bond anti hero and precursor to Dr Evil. What an utterly awesome fellow.

Mostly, Stavro my fish is named for the following quote from "From Russia, With Love"

-"Siamese fighting fish, fascinating creatures. Brave but of the whole stupid. Yes they're stupid. Except for the occasional one such as we have here who lets the other two fight. While he waits. Waits until the survivor is so exhausted that he cannot defend himself, and then like SPECTRE... he strikes!"

Lets look at some other great Blofeld quotes from Bond film

-"The satellite is at present over... Kansas. Well, if we destroy Kansas the world may not hear about it for years. Perhaps New York, with all that smut and traffic... might give them a chance for a fresh start. Washington, DC. Perfect. Since we have not heard from them, *they* will hear from us."

-"You press "L" Mr. Bond, the word "Lobby" begins with "L""

-"Well go on, go on, it's merely a lift. Or should I say elevator? In any event I'm sure you'll find it far more convenient than mountaineering about outside the Whyte House."

-"I've taught you to love chickens, to love their flesh, their voice"

-"Mr Bond! We can do a deal! I'll buy you a delicatessen! In stainless steel!"

-" I am Supreme Commander of SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. Yesterday morning, the American Air Force launched 2 cruise missiles from Swadley Air Base in Great Britain. Through the ingenuity of SPECTRE, the dummy warheads they carried were replaced with *live*, *nuclear* warheads. Your weapons of destruction are now safely in our possession and will be moved to two secret targets. Please note the serial numbers of the missiles; they will confirm the truth. Your weapons of deterrence did not deter us from our objective! A terrible catastrophe now confronts you. However, it can be avoided by paying a tribute to our organization, amounting to twenty-five percent of your respective countries' annual oil purchases. We have accomplished two of the functions that the name SPECTRE embodies: terror and extortion. If our demands are not met within seven days, we shall ruthlessly apply the third: revenge!"

Such a cool dude.

Anyways. I am off to watch a film entitled 'Inkheart" starring Brendan Fraser. The info on my TV says this about it:

"What a fantastic magical delight this is. Brendan Fraser stars as a book collector who, along with his 12 year old daughter (Eliza Hope Bennet) has the ability to bring fictional storybook characters to life, among them a nasty fairy-tale villain."

Wow.

Scorned Acorns is Urging You to Ignore Grammatical Conventions Pressed Upon You in Your Formative Years

.fuckit;

Scorned Acorns calls for swift justice

Are you fucking serious? What the fuck is this show anyway? I have been half watching it on mute and she is still pissing me off. Fuck this show. Stop giving her shows.

Scorned Acorns on Being a Scorned Acorn

http://scornedacorns.blogspot.com/

Some blogs are far too highly overrated. This is an example of a blog written by three young men (aged 4- 22, based on my approximation) who all, without doubt, look exactly like Vince.

I will not buy Shamwow. I will not buy Scorned Acorns.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns believes the internet has lost it's pizazz.

Remember back when getting on the internet was a romantic process?
Ensure all necessary calls had been made.
Grab a cup of coffee and maybe a bagel for the moments after clicking the 'connect' button.
Listen to the harmonic ways of pc speaker connecting through your telephone wire.
Singing along.
Deciding very carefully what site you were going to visit today, allowing page to load.
Considering how much bagel you have left and whether or not it would last the 6mb (megabyte, for those of you who weren't around when that was a big deal) download time.

28.8k modem, i salute thee.

Fuck you high speed internet.
Stop making my life easy.
Procrastination, thy name is advancement.

Wat.?

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns: Is skype considered a tool?

Screw you Skype, Honestly! Yesterday I was put through one of the roughest hours of my life, and its all thanks to you and your stupid product and its incapability to interact with older people. I had to sit there in my bed yesterday, unable to move due to an injury, while my grandmother, and her two cousins talked over skype on MY laptop.

Now I don't know if you have ever watched three 80 year old women talk over skype, but its not pretty. FUCK YOU. Who knew women talking through a computer from two different cities 7289.10 kilometres away could be so painful.

Let me paint you a picture.

Grandma walks in my room and demands me to put on skype so she can talk to her cousins in peru. FINE, whatever, obviously I'm not doing anything. As i tell my grandmother "Okay i'm putting skype on." She immediately starts yelling at the screen. I was so startled I almost pooped my pants. But after I clinched and composed myself i found myself yelling back.

"why are you yelling!?"

-"im not yelling im talking"

" I haven't even called them yet!?"

-"well why not?"

"because you only asked me two seconds ago!"

so after we both settled down, I went on to call her cousins in Peru. As the call was going through, My grandmother, god bless her soul starts walking away. And Just as the call goes through and is picked up, I find myself alone in my room staring a two people who I don't even know and speak spanish.

"Grandma where are you going!?"

- "my room"

"but i"m calling, they're actually on right now come back."

So there she is standing there just staring at the screen. Two other old people staring back. Who are looking extremely annoying to me.

And what do I get.

NO FUCKING DIALOGUE.

They just stare, and just as i'm about to fucking ask why no one is speaking, my grandma asks me where they are... I clinch again.

"See those two old people staring back at you, the ones now repeating hello and by the looks of it are now poking their computer screen.. yea.. thats them" (this sentence may have been exaggerated a bit. but trust me, its how I felt.

So once both parties become aware of each others existence, old people dialogue procedures followed.

1. Hello's

2. How are you's

3. How is family

4. Friendly conversation*

*By friendly conversation I mean with that its actually with themselves and that it actually doesnt sound friendly at all because they are yelling.

There I am sitting down, unable to leave my bed due to a knee injury, with three old people having three different conversation at the same time which don't even have anything to do with each other's conversations. And what made it really fun was that they were all yelling. And In my grandmothers case, due to the fact that I was between her and the computer she was actually yelling in my ear. Two fucking thumbs up for that.

The one positive about all of this (believe me I would gladly trade in this positive for my hour back) was that the entire thing happened as I was trying to come up with something to scorn about. And as I was brooding there in misery and distraction, all I could think to myself was...

"I'm never going to come up with anything now..."

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns wants to share thoughts on acting.

This may seem a little irrelevant but all my life I've been ( i suppose you could call it) haunted by this thought: what if actors' characters always had to keep the same name? i.e. If your name was Walter, than every character you played would be referred to as 'Walter'. This would make the whole celebrity obsession a whole lot easier, because it would be so much simpler to remember all these famous people's names. Also, previews could really get away with some extra intensity by not revealing who is in the movie, but releasing the name. situation:

*gun lying on the table*
"I've got to do it."
(fade to black)
*female lead*
"No, you don't!"
(fade to black)
*Trenchcoat pocket*
"Some things just have to be done."
(fade to black)
*Voiceover*
"It was just a matter of time."
*female lead*
"NO JOHNNY!!!"

PARTS OF THE DEAD FOUR IN THEATHERS MARCH THIRTIETH.

so, who is it?

Depp?

Let's face it, everyone is going to go to this movie hoping that it stars him.

Cena?

(And let's face it, with this kind of script you know you want John Cena more than any other wrestler/actor out there. Besides maybe Dwayne Johnson, but he couldn't be in this movie (see how that works?)

Bravo?

Hells yes! he needs to make a return to the silver screen in a big way. This could be his last chance.

Or a whole bunch of movies like that one charlie chaplin one will be released where there is a ridiculous amount of actors playing the same role.

Now that is a shift in cinema i can get excited for.

Unfortunately this is not ever going to happen. People will be able to display their acting 'chops' under any pseudonym they wish, or rather, the screenwriter wishes. but I am of the opinion that certain celebrity status can overthrow such decisions. Like if Samuel Jackson wanted to be named Loretta in his upcoming action/comedy spoof of rush hour called Yin Yang: Undercover then the studio would succumb to his wishes.

Think about it, if your real name was on every character you will ever play, you would probably try your best in that role, no half-assed Nicolas Cage BS where he can do something as awesome as Adaptation and follow it up with Ghost Rider. Like think about it, that movie COULD have been SOOOO fantastic, the fucking bad-ass story practically writes itself. HOW did they manage to fuck that up? well, if his main character was Nick, maybe it could have turned out better.

Remember he's just an example, pretty much all of Hollywood works like this. i'll give it a little extra effort if you throw in a couple more million. Fuck. These people are professionals.

Imma fuck up T-Swift.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns Yesterday was Tuesday, Today is Wednesday

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CD2LRROpph0

Partyin’, partyin’
Partyin’, partyin’
Fun, fun, fun, fun
Lookin’ forward to the weekend

Yesterday was Thursday, Thursday
Today is Friday, Friday
We we we so excited
We so excited
We gonna have a ball today

Tomorrow is Saturday
And Sunday comes afterwards
I don’t want this weekend to end

What the fuck? I can hardly tell if this is a parody or a real song. I just don't get it.

The video starts out innocently enough with a tearaway calander counting down the week. Why does it have to say shit like Tuesday's Gone With the Wind or I am Thursday's Child? Whatever it doesn't fuckin' matter.

I was under the impression auto-tune could make anyone sound like they have some semblance of a singing voice. Apparently, not so.

About 30 seconds into the video, she starts singing about catching the bus, then her friends roll up "kickin' in the front seat, sittin' in the back seat". After a few forced gestures of friendship by the crew in the car, she says "gotta make my mind up, which seat can I take" ...and ends up in bitch. Buddy driving the car is a baller though.

"I got this, you got this, my friend is by my right, eh"

I should have just copy and pasted all the lyrics here and let them speak for themselves.

Who the fuck is the rapper in this video anyways? That guy must be hurtin' for a fan-base.

Scorned Acorns and Armie Hams

A few hours ago I was browsing the web and came across the name Armie Hammer. Short for Armand Hammer. What a sweet name. Found out he is in The Social Network. So I watched it. The movie wasn't half bad, but fuck that guy. Fuckin' Winklevii.