Scorned Acorns doesn't like bananas anyway

Two very similar, very distracting incidents have occurred recently involving the word 'banana'. The first dire occasion came not two weeks ago at work, when I asked my esteemed coworker Daniel to jot down a reminder list of tools for his crew the upcoming week. Afterwards, I asked young Daniel if I could glance his list to ensure I had not left out anything of importance. He offered me back a borderline illegible wet mess of paper reading something similar to:

- Half-moons
- Power-edgers
- Underlay
- Pins/staples
- Hammers
- Bannana Knife

Bannana knife? Are you kidding me. Fuck. Didn't even have the heart to call him out on it. This brings me to no more than fifteen minutes ago, when, entirely upon an unsubstantiated whim, I plugged "birthday cards" into the google image search engine, and after a minute or two of scrolling, up popped:



Fucking bannana!
How discouragingly serendipitous the finding of this second 'bannana' has been.

Scorned Acorns states its position on most things

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns vs the hair situation

How did hair come to this?
Think about it, I'm talking cro magnon here, it all started as a means to contain a little extra heat right? then for some reason the renaissance hit and everyone decided it would be better to wear someone elses hair because it was in the fashion to have some long ass white curls in order to impress each other. Come to think of it I'm not sure if it was even real human hair, it may have been some that belonged to an old horse, or fake hair made from god knows what, and it's said it was to help with the smell of bi-annual washed bodies, but still the thought makes me shiver. Then what happened? the fucking 80s.

Corey fucking Feldman. Goddamn.
So, now it happens that we live in the twenty first fucking century, in which the original purpose for hair seems to have dwindled since its pretty easy to find a toque these days and slap it on, and now we feel it necessary to cut it at least once a month in order to stay 'fashionable'. So, what could possibly follow all this up? Perhaps someone who could probably sell each strand of perfect hair for a cool million? well, yup, you guessed it.

The Bieber.

Women (typically of the <12 variety) flock to this man (and to his hair) like he is destined to be the next Tom Selleck (which is one moustache this page will never disgrace). My point is that it's bullshit. And what's worse is that he knows it. He recently cut it all off. And my problem with it? I KNOW ABOUT IT. SO DOES LIKE HALF THE FUCKING WORLD. Fuck. why?
Fuck you hair.

You know what else? I just realized that bald men everywhere are in the exact opposite situation but are still freaking out about their lack of hair because they can't go get it cut once a month. Fuck.
Hair is fucking up everyones shit right now.
It's going to take over.

-Acorned

Scorned Acorns read it in a big book

Contrary to popular opinion.

Scorned Acorns wishes to put their balled hand against your nostril, with velocity.

Lets just pretend for a second. You are just born. You push your way out into the world only to find your eyes and mouth filled with sand. You take several groggy steps to find your legs. It is fully expected of you to be able to crawl. You push your frail body a few inches towards a loud rumble in the distance. A few of your brothers and sisters are making those same first steps. In a matter of minutes, thousands upon thousands of tiny creatures exactly like yourself are popping out from the sand in utter chaos and confusion. Your instincts are driving you towards the crash in the distance. Overhead, screams of alarm are issued by something you cannot see nor comprehend. Fear encompasses your entire being. You frantically push yourself forwards, faster and faster. All around, an orgy of noise and violence. Streaking white flashes condescend to the ground, plucking your brothers and sisters by the hundreds. Their terrified screams fill your ears as they are consumed by a swarm of winged mongrels. The Luftwaffe above dives and dives again, somehow missing you, as you continue to pump your tiny body. The rumble is closer and closer. Soon, yet somehow not soon enough, you feel a cold, refreshing, wet underneath you. One of the lucky few, you are free to swim freely into the ocean.

Sea Turtles have a rough childhood.
You do not.
Fuck yourself.

Scorned Acorns vs Wisdom Teeth

See those things coming in from behind? YEAH, wisdom teeth baby.
Hey, guess what else, THEY ARE NATURAL.
Humans tend to grow these things after being alive for a little while.
Twenty-First Century humans tend to grow these things, get freaked out, yank them, and then complain about the pain because there are two gaping holes where they once were. But hey, good thing you avoided all that unnecessary pressure that was no doubt going to eventually push on the rest of your teeth because your jaw isn't capable of handling something it has been growing for a couple millennium. Sounds like a cash grab to me, but it would appear that most people actually get worried if you tell them you still have yours.
"you know that your teeth are gonna get crooked and hurt right?"
Well, when and if that happens I'll deal with it, kind of like how I expect to deal with old age and other NATURAL sensations in life.
I'm not sure if i've made any sense up until this point, so i figure this is a perfect moment to segue into this:

wat.

I found this while doing research on this wisdom teeth topic. Yes, we at Scorned Acorns internet sleuth before posting, and this is sometimes what we are given in return for our hard work.
What the fuck does a cat have to do with wisdom teeth.
And why is it brushing its teeth with a toothbrush?
And why is the internet plagued with these sorts of images. Everyone makes fun of cat photos on the internet, but they still seem to appear in throngs.
I imagine there must be like two guys in a basement somewhere taking photos of their grandma's cats in non-cat positions and posting them online thinking they will lead the revolution against the government's oppressive ways in lieu to cats.

What?
I keep losing my train of thought.
Too much background noise.

-Acorned

Scorned Acorns on this fake acorn.

This acorn is clearly a fake. its a hoax. Fuck that shit. If someone didn't know what an acorn was and they searched acorn on google this would show up and they would be forever given a false knowledge of what an acorn is.

Representations of acorns is not worthy of acorning within the acorn. Acorns.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns is talking to itself.

I know right off the bat you are clearly pondering one thing. Is this going to be another 'fuck movies' rant? Well, in a way, yes. Fuck movies, they're bullshit. In movies (typically comedies) they like playing with the ideas of echoes.

no, not the Pink Floyd musical extravaganza, I'm talking about the phenomenon of sound reflecting off of large inanimate objects (typically the morbidly obese) and returning to the source of the sound after traveling the speed of sound over the distance between the two.

Fig. 1:

Now, in movies, clever television shows, and sometimes comic books, the echo is usually utilized when a character (typically the protagonist) screams to the heavens in disgust, and the echo bounces back the same "Fuuuuuuuuuuucckkk" or something of the sort.

I, finding myself to be one of those overly clever tv shows, like to try this from time to time and yell something at a hill, volcano, building, or fat dude: "Supercalifragilisticexpialidocious!!!"
and I am greeted with an overly simple and annoying: "CCiiousss" sound.
Fuck movies, echoes suck.
Why are they so lazy?
Can it be that this hill has spent so much of its time merely existing that it no longer cares to respond to my excellent choice of lexicon to badger and shake its very foundation?
Sometimes in movies they will even go far enough that the response will be something different or a witty response to the man screaming at the heavens. BULLSHIT. That doesn't happen and will never happen, I hate them. Fuck you movies stop leading me astray. Reminds me of trying to fly after watching peter pan, that shit doesn't work either. I'm stressing about this, i hate you reverb and i hate you echo. Stop bothering to even exist if you aren't going to do it right. It's about time someone told you this, so fucking pick up your game man, its getting old.
That is all.

-Acorned.