It was a rather normal day at my place of employ. For entirely (almost) nonlegal reasons, let us name this place Shoebuckles' Frankfurt. I arrived well before any of my coworkers, as on this specific day there were none others scheduled, as well as my supervisors/managers. Being the model employee I am, I clocked in early and began to make a pot of coffee entirely for my use, the vast majority of this to be disposed of later since it is designed for 50-80 patrons. Once I had my fill of the delightful black nectar, I quested the workplace for something to do. The next several hours were spent in a mind numbing haze as repetitive labour was valiantly completed, as per the request of my boss, whom was brandishing a cat o nine tails.
It looks like this. Quite terrifying actually. Stings.
I endured, thinking only of the paycheck, the reward for this hard time. At some point in this day (10:15 am Standard Pacific Time) I assisted an elderly lady, whom smelt heavily of patchouli, gather Seventy-two degree water. It took several minutes, aggravating minutes, in which I learnt much of her son and his habit of not calling her. I turned out to hold her in the highest regards, however, due exclusively to the fact she gifted me a fish.
Lets pause from narrative at this point and examine what happened. I went to work and was given a fish. Fucked up? Pretty much. Also, sweet.
This was no ordinary fish. This was the feared Betta Splendens. The fighting mongrel of the southern seas. The Tropical Terror. The Brightly Colored Brawler. The Gilled Gladiator. The Sea Scrapper. The Aquatic Antagonist. If you dont get the picture by now, there is no helping you. God have mercy on your soul.
The first responsibility of any new pet owner is to name the pet. Everyone knows this. I made no exceptions. I ran through all my options. Gorilla? Maybe, strong name, very cool. Dorothy? A smooth sounding female name of someone who takes no guff (It was not until later I had determined sex, which is actually still mostly a mystery but I decided he was male.) There were others, obviously unimportant as they failed to make themselves remembered. One, however, was the obvious choice.
(Ernst) Stavro Blofeld. The Bond anti hero and precursor to Dr Evil. What an utterly awesome fellow.
Mostly, Stavro my fish is named for the following quote from "From Russia, With Love"
-"Siamese fighting fish, fascinating creatures. Brave but of the whole stupid. Yes they're stupid. Except for the occasional one such as we have here who lets the other two fight. While he waits. Waits until the survivor is so exhausted that he cannot defend himself, and then like SPECTRE... he strikes!"
Lets look at some other great Blofeld quotes from Bond film
-"The satellite is at present over... Kansas. Well, if we destroy Kansas the world may not hear about it for years. Perhaps New York, with all that smut and traffic... might give them a chance for a fresh start. Washington, DC. Perfect. Since we have not heard from them, *they* will hear from us."
-"You press "L" Mr. Bond, the word "Lobby" begins with "L""
-"Well go on, go on, it's merely a lift. Or should I say elevator? In any event I'm sure you'll find it far more convenient than mountaineering about outside the Whyte House."
-"I've taught you to love chickens, to love their flesh, their voice"
-"Mr Bond! We can do a deal! I'll buy you a delicatessen! In stainless steel!"
-" I am Supreme Commander of SPECTRE, the Special Executive for Counterintelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion. Yesterday morning, the American Air Force launched 2 cruise missiles from Swadley Air Base in Great Britain. Through the ingenuity of SPECTRE, the dummy warheads they carried were replaced with *live*, *nuclear* warheads. Your weapons of destruction are now safely in our possession and will be moved to two secret targets. Please note the serial numbers of the missiles; they will confirm the truth. Your weapons of deterrence did not deter us from our objective! A terrible catastrophe now confronts you. However, it can be avoided by paying a tribute to our organization, amounting to twenty-five percent of your respective countries' annual oil purchases. We have accomplished two of the functions that the name SPECTRE embodies: terror and extortion. If our demands are not met within seven days, we shall ruthlessly apply the third: revenge!"
Such a cool dude.
Anyways. I am off to watch a film entitled 'Inkheart" starring Brendan Fraser. The info on my TV says this about it:
"What a fantastic magical delight this is. Brendan Fraser stars as a book collector who, along with his 12 year old daughter (Eliza Hope Bennet) has the ability to bring fictional storybook characters to life, among them a nasty fairy-tale villain."
Wow.
