Scorned Acorns on getting too personal?

Upon review of my last scorn, (yes, we at Scorned Acorns believe in self-evaluation and review as important parts of the existence of hate in the universe.), I have deciphered that it feels a little too much like a man releasing some hate on an ex girlfriend or something: gross. Also I would like it to be known that this is by no means some shitty sorry letter, THIS IS NOT AN APOLOGY
Shit isn't personal. This isn't some Whinehouse shit right here, in no way should we be affiliated with the imagination of some crying asshole talking shit over the internet about some lost idea of love. Fuck that shit, we don't condone it and I for sure was not conveying that.
I think we need a graph.

Thank you Kid Zone Create-A-Graph, oh you are so mighty helpful.

If any offense is ever taken, I guarantee that I wanted you to get offended. Never will you see some slippery shit going down here and little nibbles taken out of people. It's all or fucking nothing. Deal with it and don't get sloppy.

Sloppy Second Jones.
Self aware and self loathed.

-Acorned

Scorned acorns is not what you thought.

You know what's fucking bull? Expectations. Lose that shit. Anything you think is gonna happen or anything you want, it ain't, and it won't.
Assumptions won't get you far with me neither fuck that shit and most likely fuck you for assuming I'm not talking about you.
-Acorned

Scorned Acorns: The king is dead

So in light of current events in my life, I have decided to come online and scorn a little place a few people like to call

Burger King...

Over the last few months I've made some decisions in life to try and better my health. One of those being to smoke a lot more mari... AHHEEM. I mean stop eating fast food, clearly. haha but actually

I found every time I finished eating a fast food meal I felt like a dog who just realized that eating his food and the cats food was a really bad idea.

I went a few months with out any fast food and it was great. But Anyways to make a long story short, Yesterday my friends and I decided a little BK might hit the spot. So with my lowered inhibitions I gave in and we all went, and as you do when you go to a fast food place, you order way to much food than you actually need so that when its later on and you and your friend are hungry you can surprise him, and bust out some extra eats!

Commence Rejoicing!

Unfortunately my story goes a little differently. When I woke up the next morning around 4am, all sleepy and hungry, I decided to walk upstairs and with out even thinking, I started eating a chicken sandwich. Sadly though, it was the grossest thing I'd ever eaten... And I couldn't even finish the damn thing. At least I filled my stomach with something I thought to myself. I got in my car and made my way to my grandmas. Once there she was going to take me to the hospital for my scheduled ACL reconstruction surgery... which I had been planning for over a year and a half.

Now If you're sitting there reading this and asking "Wait a second... uhh Andrew... aren't you not supposed to eat before an operation?"

Well then you would be correct...

And now I have to wait at least another month before they can do my ACl, which means A month of walking around with this... All thanks to the king.

Commence Facepalm...

Another good point to make here is that, well Andrew, it's kinda your fault it happened. That was pretty dumb of you...

And while I do agree, let me ask you this... If you gave up your streak of no fast food and this all happened to you, are you honestly going to tell me that every time you saw this picture you wouldn't want to physically assault someone with a whopper?

I thought so...

Consider this King Scorned.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns on false advertising

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQi6I2yfEFg&feature=related
Fuck you Alex May
-Acorned

Scorned Acorns lives beneath the worlds largest beaver dam

And it can be seen from fucking space!

http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/story/2010/05/05/tech-largest-beaver-dam.html

There it is folks. An 850m wide monstrosity of mud and timber flooding the landscape a few hundred kilometers north of Fort Mac. According to the above article, it is estimated this rodent-engineered construction would have taken at least twenty years from ground up, which was first noticed by Google satellites a few years back. Twenty fucking years? That's all it took for a few pelts to erect a vacuum-viewed monument to the stars? Not to mention the majority, if not the entirety, of those twenty years were spent working by moonlight. Don't get me wrong, beavers are cool and all, and I suppose they do owe us a little humiliation (if not a flensing), but...

Fuck. Great Wall of China my ass. How long did that crumbling piece of shit take? Two, three hundred years during the Ming Dynasty? Successively over a few thousand years? Too many fucking zeros if you ask me. Anytime I hear something along the lines of, "Oh man can you believe humans built something like the Great Wall of China!?!?!? You can see that shit from space!", all I'm going to see is this shit-eating grin:

Look at that self-satisfied little fart. I guess I don't mean that. Scorned Acorns approves of beavers.

Aren't they great?

Scorned Acorns' eyes hurt.

Holy fucking shit.
So there i was, just browsing blogs and supporting the overly-friendly community, when i was shot in the face by this:
http://lizziemongoose.blogspot.com/
Jesus Christ. I dare you to read a paragraph and proceed to look at anything else. I feel like my retinas have been burned to damnation. I need this woman to look up a page or two about saturation, pleasing colours, and interesting content.

She claims to be doing 365 pictures (daily) of her life in 2009. I counted about 6, but it was a novel idea and a good attempt nonetheless. Shit is hard, keeping up with life and clicking pictures of it every day is definitely a ballsy move. I would think if you thought your life was interesting enough for this kind of thing to work then you would've taken a few more interesting photos, most of them don't tell us anything, there's no riveting story, no nothing,
Actually wait, there was something.
She is calling people shmucks for not leaving comments! It's right there in the header!
Well this is my comment.

Fuck your 2009. Fuck your colour scheme.

-Acorned

Scorned Acorns believes Monkey's in Barrels are unrealistic.

Look at this:

Have you ever imagined this actually happening? "More fun than a barrel of monkeys?" What the shit is that about? That doesn't look fun at all! Looks to me like a bunch of shit disturbers are about to go ape on whoever put them inside that fucking oak barrel. But wait. THERE'S MORE.

This is bullshit. Monkeys would never do such a stupid thing. They wouldn't come out of a barrel, and they certainly wouldn't hang on to each other to make these giant chains...I'm envisioning a classic tale, as retold by Disney, THE MOTHER FUCKING JUNGLE BOOK. That shit was bad-ass. But even now looking back on such a beautifully crafted film I must admit it has lost a lot of respect. They are guilty of it too. All hanging off each other like as if they were best buds, stealing up strange human children relaxing on top of floating bears, the rest of the situation is totally believable, but have you ever watched monkeys in nature? that shit hates each other, its ruthless.

 The one occasion i could see something like the above (remove beard) happening would be in a case where a monkey was about to purposefully drop another to their doom. Mad respect for king Louis though.

Look at that crazy bad-ass. There's no way I'd mess with that shit, he's potentially got more swagger than Jagger.

OK bad example, but it rhymed so fuck off. I want to figure out where this assumption that monkeys do this kind of shit like its an everyday thing comes from, grab the asshole who thought it up and tear a little hole in his sack, only to shove a few marbles into it before sewing it back up. That shit would be heavy all day every day and he'd have to try and think up an explanation to explain why he's always grabbing his junk to family and friends.


I also can't help but think the Japanese are laughing at us for making such a ridiculous assumption, and have therefore flooded our market with games like "Donkey Kong", in which all you do is jump in and out of barrels. The worst part is is that those games are fucking fantastic, so I can't help but allow myself to be subject to such a cock-brained idea. I bet if I was caught off guard and someone asked me if monkey's did this kind of shit, I would answer yes, and they could go away thinking I'm an asshole. Fuck you barrel of monkeys. One sec I'm going to look a little into this.

 word historian Charles E. Funk wrote: "One monkey arouses a great deal of amusement. Two or more then double the...amusement. If one were to release a barrelful...of monkeys, we must suppose that their antics would become hilariously comical."


Who the fuck put this guy in charge? That is the worst presumption I've ever heard. I think this guy did even less sleuthing than I did! 


In closing, Fuck you and respect the monkeys.

-Acorned

Scorned Acorns tells it how it is.

"Why do they have to change the layout? i like the old *http://anysite.com* better. Why are they doing this to me this is so fucking stupid?"

I am so sick of this line. You don't own social networking sites, blogging utilities, or forums. Just fucking deal with the change. It's for the better. The OWNERS would not change the layout of your favourite site because they want to screw with their fanbase. Get over yourself. 

You figured it out when you bought your fucking macbook didnt you?

figure this shit out.

Go ahead. Take two minutes to get used to it.

That or unplug your internet connection, because i got news. That shit isn't going to stay the same for more than 3 months.

Scorned Acorns Rambles about memberships

How many different memberships do you think you have in your life right now? 15? 20? 

Try more like 100. Check the graph:

Honestly, think about every store you've ever purchased anything at, chances are, you are a member. 

I mean fuck, I realized this week that apparently i have 'plum rewards' points for chapters, which i have no idea when i signed up for it, but also weird 'best buy dollars' or something...which i was aware of but had no idea that it expired, it takes 30 days for it to come into play and then it only lasts 30 days...what the fuck is the point of this system in the first place? i just don't get it. They don't even tell you what its good for.

Congratulations! you have 675 plum points!

Fuck i hope that means i also have (hidden somewhere) 914 banana points. I got to be honest here i don't eat many plums, they never tickled my fancy but if I get 914 free bananas at some point in my life then i think i'd be pretty pleased about my purchases at banana republic. 

ON TOP OF THIS what the hell do plums have to do with a book store? i really don't get any of this.

What ever happened to good old fashioned promotions like paper Canadian Tire money, every one has thirty five cents, and never uses it, but gad damn it looks great in a wallet doesnt it? 

I'm scared to know how many random stores have my phone number or email address on file for the one time i purchased something tiny from their stupid place yet had to know my information. Get it over with already, put a chip in my thumb and let that track me and be my bank account, at least that will at least make me feel like a cyborg. 

Wow talk about ramble. sorry about this. 

Fuck you gumby.

                                          

-Acorned