Scorned Acorns believes Monkey's in Barrels are unrealistic.

Look at this:

Have you ever imagined this actually happening? "More fun than a barrel of monkeys?" What the shit is that about? That doesn't look fun at all! Looks to me like a bunch of shit disturbers are about to go ape on whoever put them inside that fucking oak barrel. But wait. THERE'S MORE.

This is bullshit. Monkeys would never do such a stupid thing. They wouldn't come out of a barrel, and they certainly wouldn't hang on to each other to make these giant chains...I'm envisioning a classic tale, as retold by Disney, THE MOTHER FUCKING JUNGLE BOOK. That shit was bad-ass. But even now looking back on such a beautifully crafted film I must admit it has lost a lot of respect. They are guilty of it too. All hanging off each other like as if they were best buds, stealing up strange human children relaxing on top of floating bears, the rest of the situation is totally believable, but have you ever watched monkeys in nature? that shit hates each other, its ruthless.

 The one occasion i could see something like the above (remove beard) happening would be in a case where a monkey was about to purposefully drop another to their doom. Mad respect for king Louis though.

Look at that crazy bad-ass. There's no way I'd mess with that shit, he's potentially got more swagger than Jagger.

OK bad example, but it rhymed so fuck off. I want to figure out where this assumption that monkeys do this kind of shit like its an everyday thing comes from, grab the asshole who thought it up and tear a little hole in his sack, only to shove a few marbles into it before sewing it back up. That shit would be heavy all day every day and he'd have to try and think up an explanation to explain why he's always grabbing his junk to family and friends.


I also can't help but think the Japanese are laughing at us for making such a ridiculous assumption, and have therefore flooded our market with games like "Donkey Kong", in which all you do is jump in and out of barrels. The worst part is is that those games are fucking fantastic, so I can't help but allow myself to be subject to such a cock-brained idea. I bet if I was caught off guard and someone asked me if monkey's did this kind of shit, I would answer yes, and they could go away thinking I'm an asshole. Fuck you barrel of monkeys. One sec I'm going to look a little into this.

 word historian Charles E. Funk wrote: "One monkey arouses a great deal of amusement. Two or more then double the...amusement. If one were to release a barrelful...of monkeys, we must suppose that their antics would become hilariously comical."


Who the fuck put this guy in charge? That is the worst presumption I've ever heard. I think this guy did even less sleuthing than I did! 


In closing, Fuck you and respect the monkeys.

-Acorned