Scorned Acorns is against humanity's obsession with Jars.

Something I just dont understand is why we all need so many fucking different kinds of jars filling the corners of desks around the world. Stop and think about it for a second, how many do you have? if it's more than zero than I can guarantee that you have too many.

It just doesn't make sense, NO ONE seems to have the heart to throw out (or recycle, scornedacorns fully supports a greener planet.) a fucking empty jar. What's the mindset?
Oh this looks like a mighty fine specimen of blown sand in the shape of a cylinder, who knows what i'll be able to use this for!
Yeah, put it right next to the other thirty thousand empty jars in your basement, on day you will definitely plant a fucking garden and begin your fucking super-secret pickle grow op.

What do people tend to hold inside of jars? the answer: Absolutely nothing of true value.

Example #1
The penny jar

Oh baby, you must have accumulated about three fifty in the past two years, but by god is it ever useful having one of these around right? Fuck. the amount of labour you put into either moving pennies from your pocket to the jar or even the labour of rolling this shit wouldn't even be worth the paper the rolls are made of, so in truth: you are ruining the environment.
People always try and support their insanities of the penny jar with claims such as: "I collect them!" or by slapping a label on it that says something to the point of: "Haiti relief fund". Oh baby, I bet they can't wait to receive a cup of rice from your donation, three years down the road. I understand that its a good purpose and whatnot, but this is CLEARLY not the way to do it, why don't you take ten percent of your next paycheck and throw it into the charity, i guarantee that it will be more than your lifetime savings in pennies.

Next up
That fucking jar of unusable pens.

Ok, so some of you may keep a drawer for this, but seriously, how does it seem like a great idea?
Hmm, this pen doesn't work, good thing i have a jar for things like this, maybe a year or two sitting vertical next to its kin will produce new ink!
Then someone who is in dire need of a pen walks up and grabs a handful and runs off to class or something to write the most important thing of their life and...NONE OF THE PENS WORK. Are garbages just scared of pens? is the dump allergic to ink? WHY DOES EVERYONE HAVE ONE OF THESE IT MAKES NO SENSE. Save for, it seems, the fucking bank, where everyone is crowded around that damned small desk waiting for their turn with the SINGLE PEN. And another thing, in the event that a pencil is present in said jar, it always has broken lead, and no one without a 12 year-old kid has a fucking sharpener, hell I'm pretty sure the university library here in Calgary doesn't even have one.

How about pickle jars?

Fucking gross, why do people think this is a good idea?
Cucumbers = Delicious
Man, it seems my veggies go bad after a couple weeks in the fridge, why don't we just fucking shove them in a sealed container of vinegar for a few fucking months and then crush them up and eat them on hotdogs?

Wow, that sounds like the grossest idea for food i've ever heard.



The real problem with these jars people decide to keep is they are almost always sitting on the edge of countertops and desks, and on the account of their glasslike properties, they are quite ripe for the shattering upon the smallest of shoves.

Think about the kind of words we use that include this subject.
Ajar, aka semi-open, aka useful only for peeping toms and confusing ESL students
Jargon, aka useless conversation, I can only imagine that 'gon' will be hence forth synonymous with 'conversation' and 'jar' synonymous with 'useless'

-Acorned.