Scorned Acorns is back, but doesn't have a base tan

Why don't I have a silky base tan? Because I spent the vast majority of the past week holed up inside with a little case of the throat-tickles. But I'm back, because we here at Scorned Acorns are tough fuckin' cookies.

Having a few solid days curled up with your thoughts breeds more than a few antagonisms with the world. First and foremost, fuck tonsils. I haven't given much thought to them in my twenty odd years, but those fuckers fight dirty. Before I even knew we had qualms, they were big, red, angry and all up in my face. Had my lymph nodes in a tizzy too. I had more neck this weekend than Corpsegrinder:

Also, fuck this tweet(poop)deck bullshit that keeps popping up on my esteemed coworkers laptop. And even as I type this, a perfect example of the dribble I am forced to close every fifteen seconds pops up to the now familiar chirping tune that accompanies it: "A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius." Fuck that. Didn't see who said it, couldn't give a shit either way.

You know what else pisses me off? When People Capitalize Every First Letter Of Every Word Of Their Sentences. Fuck That. It Gets Tiring To Read. No, This Isn't A Song Title. No, This Isn't A Long List of Proper Nouns. Remember Back When You Had That Idiot Friend Whose Phone Decided This Was A Good Setting To Have? Fuck Your Shitty Phone And Fuck You. Speaking Of Phones, Fuck Phones. More Specifically, Fuck Rogers Wireless. I Have Somehow Incurred A $700+ Phone Bill With Them Over The Past 30 Days. I Don't Recall Phoning Home From Tehran For The Past Four Weeks... So I Probably Don`t Actually Owe You Any More Than My Regular $60-$75 Balance. Feud Accepted.

I cannot get over the fact Ross Dolan of the band Immolation looks like Fabio-gone-death metal:

Guess what else sucks. Sites like www.thingsthatihate.com. With such thought provoking hostilities as Being Bored, Wishes, and Life, you know it was only a matter of time before you came across a post like:

"I’m never going to live up to my parents’ expectations. My parents are very hard on me. I feel like having a nervous break down. I’ll never be the perfect daughter."


That shouldn't be there. That's just sad. Fmylife tryout material. I have now submitted an essay to them under the Scorned Acorns moniker, directing people to the true spite and glory that is not having your own URL.

-acorned