Scorned Acorns has socks.

People who try and be 'nice guys' piss me off. Well, in one case specifically. You know when you are opening a door to let yourself into a building, and someone is right behind you, so you hold the door for them? totally legit, I know. These people are 'real' nice guys, they don't think twice about it, it just happens and nothing more comes from it. The people that fucking piss me off are the people who are trying to fucking hard. I am like twenty steps behind them and they hold the door. This leaves me with two options:

1. Keep the pace I had previously decided to walk at.

2. Make a little hobble/jog towards them, and the awaiting open door.

Well, in case number one, which is far more comfortable for myself, I look like the asshole and he looks like a supremely nice guy. Fuck that. In the second situation, I would be spending more energy running than it would have taken to open the door all by myself like a big boy. Basically, it comes down to looking like an asshole and wasting precious energy, which the average internet blogger has in short supply.

I fucking hate all of you nice guys, fuck off and mind your own business and doors. 

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns is back, but doesn't have a base tan

Why don't I have a silky base tan? Because I spent the vast majority of the past week holed up inside with a little case of the throat-tickles. But I'm back, because we here at Scorned Acorns are tough fuckin' cookies.

Having a few solid days curled up with your thoughts breeds more than a few antagonisms with the world. First and foremost, fuck tonsils. I haven't given much thought to them in my twenty odd years, but those fuckers fight dirty. Before I even knew we had qualms, they were big, red, angry and all up in my face. Had my lymph nodes in a tizzy too. I had more neck this weekend than Corpsegrinder:

Also, fuck this tweet(poop)deck bullshit that keeps popping up on my esteemed coworkers laptop. And even as I type this, a perfect example of the dribble I am forced to close every fifteen seconds pops up to the now familiar chirping tune that accompanies it: "A man without a woman is a bachelor. A woman without a man is a genius." Fuck that. Didn't see who said it, couldn't give a shit either way.

You know what else pisses me off? When People Capitalize Every First Letter Of Every Word Of Their Sentences. Fuck That. It Gets Tiring To Read. No, This Isn't A Song Title. No, This Isn't A Long List of Proper Nouns. Remember Back When You Had That Idiot Friend Whose Phone Decided This Was A Good Setting To Have? Fuck Your Shitty Phone And Fuck You. Speaking Of Phones, Fuck Phones. More Specifically, Fuck Rogers Wireless. I Have Somehow Incurred A $700+ Phone Bill With Them Over The Past 30 Days. I Don't Recall Phoning Home From Tehran For The Past Four Weeks... So I Probably Don`t Actually Owe You Any More Than My Regular $60-$75 Balance. Feud Accepted.

I cannot get over the fact Ross Dolan of the band Immolation looks like Fabio-gone-death metal:

Guess what else sucks. Sites like www.thingsthatihate.com. With such thought provoking hostilities as Being Bored, Wishes, and Life, you know it was only a matter of time before you came across a post like:

"I’m never going to live up to my parents’ expectations. My parents are very hard on me. I feel like having a nervous break down. I’ll never be the perfect daughter."


That shouldn't be there. That's just sad. Fmylife tryout material. I have now submitted an essay to them under the Scorned Acorns moniker, directing people to the true spite and glory that is not having your own URL.

-acorned

Scorned Acorns Responds to a previous post.

In response to a fellow scorn, there is this to say:
"p.s. fuck cats" is possibly the most boring thing ever written.
That shit is hardcore. I hate people who hate cats.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns doesn't love you

Fuck obligatory replies. When did statements like "I love you" or questions like "Can you do me a favour?" become tied, respectively, to the replies "I love you too" and "depends", which in itself is more often than not a veiled yes. I probably don't love you and I definitely don't much care to watch your shitty kid while you fetch him some apple juice.

Have you ever had someone blindly lose themselves in an awkward spazz and say they love you? And to your face nonetheless! Now you leave me sitting on the asshole throne when I don't pull you close and echo your sentiments. What gives you the right to be mad when I tell you you're an idiot? Why can't a simple "thank you" suffice? Chances are you don't mean it anyway. You just found yourself a few too many bellini's deep. Or your cat just died.



And, assuming the above is true (which it is because its the only piece of supporting evidence I am going to bother using), if I don't love you, you can't love me anyway. So you actually just lied right to my face about it. Pretty harsh bro.

PS. Fuck Cats.

-acorned

Scorned acorns on the little drummer boy

Who the hell thinks a drum sounds like pa ra pa pum pum. That shit is incorrect.
-Acorned

Scorned Acorns has too many ideas

I think if I were to sit in front of the television with a pencil and a pad of paper, the number of scorns that would require acorning would be extravagantly exhausting. Just sitting here for thirty minutes watching commercials and the KHQ news team my blood has began to boil. I am not from spokane, but if their news is on, I'm not about to look left and right for the remote to change the channel. All of my knowledge of american journalism is pretty much summed into what I have heard via the internet in the past few years.
1. CNN = corrupt. (I don't understand why, no one ever seems to want to clarify.)
2. FOX = garbage. (Yeah, I've seen clips, seems silly.)
So you can imagine that I had only the highest hopes for the level of the  KHQ spokane news team, and their coverage of Amanda Knox's return to the United States after four years of (determined) wrongful imprisonment   in Italy. What did they talk about? Depressingly, whether or not she was going to get a book deal or sign a movie contract. Fuck. Is this really relevant? Is this really necessary? Fuck. I got angry. I know her family is in severe financial debt, but really, how starstruck is the US right now? I always think people are over exaggerating when they harp on the states, but fuck, this one is really hard to defend. Is mass media really this Jaded? Do we really need all those 'contact us on facebook and twitter' reminders running along the bottom of the screen? I'm asking too many questions. I'm just trying to get my brain around what is happening. In the whole half hour news update, there wasn't any mention of the protests around the US right now, which I believe really aren't doing anything successful, but you would think they would get some press.
Whatever, TV sucks. They should just get around to creating the Criminal Minds channel, which just shows reruns 24 hours a day, specifically the double-episode featuring James mother fucking Van der Beek. That guy is bad ass.

No, this isn't him. But fucking Shemar is the fucking man.

-Acorned

Scorned Acorns on getting too personal?

Upon review of my last scorn, (yes, we at Scorned Acorns believe in self-evaluation and review as important parts of the existence of hate in the universe.), I have deciphered that it feels a little too much like a man releasing some hate on an ex girlfriend or something: gross. Also I would like it to be known that this is by no means some shitty sorry letter, THIS IS NOT AN APOLOGY
Shit isn't personal. This isn't some Whinehouse shit right here, in no way should we be affiliated with the imagination of some crying asshole talking shit over the internet about some lost idea of love. Fuck that shit, we don't condone it and I for sure was not conveying that.
I think we need a graph.

Thank you Kid Zone Create-A-Graph, oh you are so mighty helpful.

If any offense is ever taken, I guarantee that I wanted you to get offended. Never will you see some slippery shit going down here and little nibbles taken out of people. It's all or fucking nothing. Deal with it and don't get sloppy.

Sloppy Second Jones.
Self aware and self loathed.

-Acorned

Scorned acorns is not what you thought.

You know what's fucking bull? Expectations. Lose that shit. Anything you think is gonna happen or anything you want, it ain't, and it won't.
Assumptions won't get you far with me neither fuck that shit and most likely fuck you for assuming I'm not talking about you.
-Acorned

Scorned Acorns: The king is dead

So in light of current events in my life, I have decided to come online and scorn a little place a few people like to call

Burger King...

Over the last few months I've made some decisions in life to try and better my health. One of those being to smoke a lot more mari... AHHEEM. I mean stop eating fast food, clearly. haha but actually

I found every time I finished eating a fast food meal I felt like a dog who just realized that eating his food and the cats food was a really bad idea.

I went a few months with out any fast food and it was great. But Anyways to make a long story short, Yesterday my friends and I decided a little BK might hit the spot. So with my lowered inhibitions I gave in and we all went, and as you do when you go to a fast food place, you order way to much food than you actually need so that when its later on and you and your friend are hungry you can surprise him, and bust out some extra eats!

Commence Rejoicing!

Unfortunately my story goes a little differently. When I woke up the next morning around 4am, all sleepy and hungry, I decided to walk upstairs and with out even thinking, I started eating a chicken sandwich. Sadly though, it was the grossest thing I'd ever eaten... And I couldn't even finish the damn thing. At least I filled my stomach with something I thought to myself. I got in my car and made my way to my grandmas. Once there she was going to take me to the hospital for my scheduled ACL reconstruction surgery... which I had been planning for over a year and a half.

Now If you're sitting there reading this and asking "Wait a second... uhh Andrew... aren't you not supposed to eat before an operation?"

Well then you would be correct...

And now I have to wait at least another month before they can do my ACl, which means A month of walking around with this... All thanks to the king.

Commence Facepalm...

Another good point to make here is that, well Andrew, it's kinda your fault it happened. That was pretty dumb of you...

And while I do agree, let me ask you this... If you gave up your streak of no fast food and this all happened to you, are you honestly going to tell me that every time you saw this picture you wouldn't want to physically assault someone with a whopper?

I thought so...

Consider this King Scorned.

-Acorned.

Scorned Acorns on false advertising

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=sQi6I2yfEFg&feature=related
Fuck you Alex May
-Acorned

Scorned Acorns lives beneath the worlds largest beaver dam

And it can be seen from fucking space!

http://www.cbc.ca/news/technology/story/2010/05/05/tech-largest-beaver-dam.html

There it is folks. An 850m wide monstrosity of mud and timber flooding the landscape a few hundred kilometers north of Fort Mac. According to the above article, it is estimated this rodent-engineered construction would have taken at least twenty years from ground up, which was first noticed by Google satellites a few years back. Twenty fucking years? That's all it took for a few pelts to erect a vacuum-viewed monument to the stars? Not to mention the majority, if not the entirety, of those twenty years were spent working by moonlight. Don't get me wrong, beavers are cool and all, and I suppose they do owe us a little humiliation (if not a flensing), but...

Fuck. Great Wall of China my ass. How long did that crumbling piece of shit take? Two, three hundred years during the Ming Dynasty? Successively over a few thousand years? Too many fucking zeros if you ask me. Anytime I hear something along the lines of, "Oh man can you believe humans built something like the Great Wall of China!?!?!? You can see that shit from space!", all I'm going to see is this shit-eating grin:

Look at that self-satisfied little fart. I guess I don't mean that. Scorned Acorns approves of beavers.

Aren't they great?

Scorned Acorns' eyes hurt.

Holy fucking shit.
So there i was, just browsing blogs and supporting the overly-friendly community, when i was shot in the face by this:
http://lizziemongoose.blogspot.com/
Jesus Christ. I dare you to read a paragraph and proceed to look at anything else. I feel like my retinas have been burned to damnation. I need this woman to look up a page or two about saturation, pleasing colours, and interesting content.

She claims to be doing 365 pictures (daily) of her life in 2009. I counted about 6, but it was a novel idea and a good attempt nonetheless. Shit is hard, keeping up with life and clicking pictures of it every day is definitely a ballsy move. I would think if you thought your life was interesting enough for this kind of thing to work then you would've taken a few more interesting photos, most of them don't tell us anything, there's no riveting story, no nothing,
Actually wait, there was something.
She is calling people shmucks for not leaving comments! It's right there in the header!
Well this is my comment.

Fuck your 2009. Fuck your colour scheme.

-Acorned